Styles of Parenting - What Happens If Your Child No Longer Trusts or Confides in You

There are different styles of parenting which influence your child's behaviour. Children no longer approach parents with their problems or confide in them about fears. And not just sensitive topics like sex and love but parents are also being kept away from growing up issues where parents were once considered their child's sole confidant.

This growing parent-child rife came to the fore through a recent survey conducted by International Institute for Population Sciences and Population Council.

According to the report, children were less communicative with parents and more likely to discuss problems and seek advice from friends. It is a common thread that experts notice.

Styles of parenting -I ; Bad Parenting:

A popular consultant psychotherapist and counsellor, says "Decrease in parent-child interaction time and increase in child-peer time evokes a sense of belonging between children and peers. Their dependance on
friends leads to detachment from parents whose time with children is often limited to negative interaction like complaining, nagging, demanding and reprimanding."

She added that bitter experience like parental disapproval, uncontrolled anger, lack of empathy towards their problems and fear of being judged and punished also barred children from opening up.

Another psychological counsellor Mr Gupta says, "Instead of being emphatic and reasoning, parent's way of correction is often coercive and authoritative. Parental disapproval is pushing children further away form parents."

Irreversible damage:

Experts caution that such secretiveness could be damaging in the long
run.

Three school boys aged between 10-12 years have a gala time eating ice-cream, clobbering each other with bricks and hurling abuse at one another while their pool car stands a few meters away waiting for
another school to give over. Asked if their parents know what they do, the three boys burst into laughter.

While these boyish traits might seem harmless now, they could escalate towards more serious time-pass activities under peer influence like experimenting with drugs, sex, gangs and crimes.

In absence of efficient parental guidance children learn sensitive topics about sex and relationship from media, internet and peer and could end up harming themselves, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Styles of parenting - II ; Pro-active parenting:

There is a strong need for parents to turn sensitive towards children's needs especially touchy topics like sex and relationships which according to the study were least discussed.

Children constantly seek answers and sometimes throw you into difficult positions when they ask about sex and reproduction. I feel proud my children trust me and come to me with their questions. It is important for children to know that you are there to address them and not to make them feel like preverts when they approach you."

Tips for Parents:

Here are some ways experts suggest that will build a child's trust in parents:

• Be available for your child.

• Provide solutions that are acceptable for both of you.

• Communicate disapproval subtly, with reason.

• Invite discussion upon sensitive topics without making them feel guilty.

• Allow children to give opinion and ask for suggestions

• Tell children how you spent your day and encourage them to speak about theirs.