Styles of Parenting - What Happens If Your Child No Longer Trusts or Confides in You

There are different styles of parenting which influence your child's behaviour. Children no longer approach parents with their problems or confide in them about fears. And not just sensitive topics like sex and love but parents are also being kept away from growing up issues where parents were once considered their child's sole confidant.

This growing parent-child rife came to the fore through a recent survey conducted by International Institute for Population Sciences and Population Council.

According to the report, children were less communicative with parents and more likely to discuss problems and seek advice from friends. It is a common thread that experts notice.

Styles of parenting -I ; Bad Parenting:

A popular consultant psychotherapist and counsellor, says "Decrease in parent-child interaction time and increase in child-peer time evokes a sense of belonging between children and peers. Their dependance on
friends leads to detachment from parents whose time with children is often limited to negative interaction like complaining, nagging, demanding and reprimanding."

She added that bitter experience like parental disapproval, uncontrolled anger, lack of empathy towards their problems and fear of being judged and punished also barred children from opening up.

Another psychological counsellor Mr Gupta says, "Instead of being emphatic and reasoning, parent's way of correction is often coercive and authoritative. Parental disapproval is pushing children further away form parents."

Irreversible damage:

Experts caution that such secretiveness could be damaging in the long
run.

Three school boys aged between 10-12 years have a gala time eating ice-cream, clobbering each other with bricks and hurling abuse at one another while their pool car stands a few meters away waiting for
another school to give over. Asked if their parents know what they do, the three boys burst into laughter.

While these boyish traits might seem harmless now, they could escalate towards more serious time-pass activities under peer influence like experimenting with drugs, sex, gangs and crimes.

In absence of efficient parental guidance children learn sensitive topics about sex and relationship from media, internet and peer and could end up harming themselves, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Styles of parenting - II ; Pro-active parenting:

There is a strong need for parents to turn sensitive towards children's needs especially touchy topics like sex and relationships which according to the study were least discussed.

Children constantly seek answers and sometimes throw you into difficult positions when they ask about sex and reproduction. I feel proud my children trust me and come to me with their questions. It is important for children to know that you are there to address them and not to make them feel like preverts when they approach you."

Tips for Parents:

Here are some ways experts suggest that will build a child's trust in parents:

• Be available for your child.

• Provide solutions that are acceptable for both of you.

• Communicate disapproval subtly, with reason.

• Invite discussion upon sensitive topics without making them feel guilty.

• Allow children to give opinion and ask for suggestions

• Tell children how you spent your day and encourage them to speak about theirs.

Tips For Managing Stress In Children

Today's children are facing  many kinds of stress.  The stress in children is attributed to many reasons. Exam stress, parental expectations, peer competition, pressures attributed to driving school children overboard has become reason for concern amongst parents, doctors and school authorities.

Children have become so sensitive that they cannot take even the basic pressures, they give up.  It is not only studies pressure but any kind of competition, be it games or extra curricular activities. Today's children think that everything is so easy that they do not want to face problems and choose to run away.

Don’t Set Targets:

Panic amongst the parents has mounted. Some parents stopped setting targets for their children. Earlier parents used to set targets, if kids accomplished, they would give them a gift. Now parents started to give gifts though they do not fare well. In addition to parents trying to ease the pressure from their end, they should do much more than scrapping unrealistic targets.

Be There For Your Child:

  

The joint family culture cushioned these pressure in the past. As parent child communication runs thin due to lack of time spend together, it is a major reason for concern. Children are left on their own to pressure tackle, and not surprisingly crumble. In the absence of parents, children become isolated and introverts. Instead of communication their problems and venting their depression and frustrations, they keep it inside, until it takes a toll on their mental health, leading them to negative approaches and no solutions. There are a number of stressors. Be it competition which is at its peak, exposure to television or the internet. Children are more vulnerable and less secure. They need solutions but don’t get them.

Seek Expert Help:

With students suicide increasing manifolds and the final examinations including school-leaving examinations approaching, it's crucial that parents and educator come together to tackle this problem.

Parents need to be more sympathetic towards their children. Throw away the role model of the picture of the perfect child. This is skinning our children. Ask them what happened at school and read their diary.

Some Ways That Will Help To Reduce Stress in Children:

  

• Make yourself available to guide and listen to children to help them find a way our of pressure situations.

•  Do not compare or rate children. Value them according to their strengths and set targets according   their abilities. Praise them not only for their achievements, but also for their efforts.

•  Do not always measure success in academic accomplishments. Children have many talents, recognize them.

•  If a child shows sings of depression like stays alone, does not go out to play and lack of interest in things they earlier enjoyed, immediately seek a counselor’s help.

•  Lastly, never take suicide threats lightly and concentrate on reducing stress in children.

Facts About Single Parenting - The Difficulties Of Being A Single Mother

The facts about single parenting are daunting, involving multitasking at various levels. A large chunk of responsibilities, from waking up children to sending them to school, checking their homework, giving them food, their clothes, and their emotional well-being lies with the mother.

A father is basically the provider. But, when you are a single mother, you also play the additional role of a provider. So, it is definitely tougher for single mothers than single fathers, since the man has finances sorted out with stable monthly earnings in place, and he has already gone through parenting, whereas a single mom may have to start afresh as far as earning goes, which can be quite traumatic and frightening.

If you don't take any alimony from your ex-husband because of the lengthy procedure and hence it would be quite challenging for you to start looking at fresh assignments and get finances in place. So, besides your own career path, the other challenges are to build a strong emotional foundation for the children, juggling and playing out all responsibilities in running the home, resolving stressful situations, spreading happiness, and presenting the issue of divorce to them in a positive manner. Maintaining a great relationship and being friends with your ex-husband is very important for the emotional stability of the children. Though you are separated, you should never run down or speak ill about each other. These are the important facts about single parenting,  you should keep in mind to lead your life peacefully.

A stigma is still attached to divorced women and you need a lot of courage, conviction and strength to deal with it. It is less difficult for a single father to re-settle as compared to single mothers. As a woman grows older, she puts her personal emotional crisis on a back-burner. Then you reach a stage when it becomes unnecessary to have someone in your life as you are so occupied with your children. However, both single moms as well as single dads have to be more responsible and cannot decide randomly as to who they would be sharing their personal space with since that person will also be part of their kid’s personal space.

Fortunately, if you have a good job and  your working hours are flexible which gives you lot of time for your children. The type of job you do is more important in the world for single parenting. It allows you to choose your work as well as the timings. You should also try to involve your kids in your work. For instance, after 2 or 3 week of work, your should take your children for a  holiday. These are the facts about single parenting you should remember to efficiently manage your parenthood being a single mother.

Parenting Teenagers - Precautions For Teenagers Chatting Online

Parenting Teenagers has become a tough task for today's parents. If your teenager is one of those who loves chatting and making friends online, there are few things that you need to be careful about in these days of cyber crime. With hacking becoming a rampant problem, your children past chats can reveal a lot of your personal details. To ensure that your children do not fall into any such trap, ask your teenger to keep the following points in mind.

Never reveal your financial details: You could be chatting online about money matters, but ensure that you never reveal any money related details. Be it your account number or credit/debit card number, do not reveal these things over chat. Don’t add just about anyone to your chatlist: Do not add people to your chat list to have a long list of ‘friends’. Know the person a bit before adding him/her to your chat list.

Be careful when in chat rooms: Chat rooms are a good place to interact with people, but understand that there are strangers lurking, so be attentive about what you are saying.

Be polite, but not over-friendly: If someone pings you, it is alright to answer them or chat with them, but don’t get over-friendly. Do not promise to meet them or be their best buddy. If someone suggests that you should meet during the first chat, blocking that person is perhaps a good idea.

Don’t use profanities: While gossiping online is very much in, don’t use profanities when in a chat room. Saying nasty things about other people in cyberspace is called ‘flaming’. You can be barred if you say things that the moderator doesn’t approve of.

Watch what you say: Some organisations get experts to keep a tab on their employees chats. Maybe it is a good idea to not gossip about office politics over chat. Keep it for conversations over coffee with friends at some cafe.

No expectations:  The basic rule of chatting is that do not expect anything if you are chatting with a stranger. You don’t know the person on the other end, so don’t expect him/her to be funny, witty or sensitive. The conversation might lead to a friendship or it may just end after the first chat. Don not be hurt if someone does not want to be your friend and ignores you or blocks you. Be open minded about these things when you get ready to log on.

Source: TOI

How To Avoid Parent Child Relationship Problems

Occasional child-parent arguments may be unavoidable, but they should not result parent child relationship problems.

It has never been easy to please parents, they have their own set of sky high expectations from their kids. Arguments are a part of any parent-child relationship. But how you manage it as a child is important. The following are the points that will help children to successfully handle child-parent relationshiip.

Discuss about the rules: There will be all kinds of rules — what is the time limit to come home, usage of phone, how much time the TV can be watched, rules restricting your meeting with friends or stay with friends, how frequently children can engage in parties, etc. There is not limit for this list. One of the best ways to stay away from arguments about rules is to discuss with your parents. Children should convincingly disscuss about these issues. They should not argue.

Once you agree to the rules:  Now that the rules have been set, ones that both of you have accepted, follow them. This is very important in case of deadlines as your parents will start to worry if you have not come back home at the stipulated  time. Also, it  may lead to doubt in their minds about your commitment towards your promises. If you think that you are going to be late, call up and intimate.

Communicate with parents: This is the important factor in solving most of the  arguments. But communication with them  is not just enough, children should try to allocate time for parents to enquire about day to day events and  convey that you care about them. This way of communicating with parents will stregthen your relationship and can do wonders for you. Thus you can avoid parent child relationship problems.

Dedicate some time to parents: Children may think that parents have time for everybody else except for you, but you have to think how much of time you are devoting to them? Spending time with your parents will give a chance to understand them in a better way, particularly in case you are asked not to do something or not given permission to come late, or a party.

You can argue in certain cases that you have justification. You cannot fight about each and every issue, it is just not worth the effort. When something you could not resolve with your parents, then take a deep breath for a minute to find out how important an issue it is for you. If you take the issue lightly, do that. But if you cannot ensure, you can argue out your issues calmly and not to get parent child relationship problems.

Why Physical Exercises For Children Is So Important?

Today’s parents ignore that playing is one of the best physical exercises for children and today's children dream of escaping the clutches of studies whenever their parents pressurizes them to work harder. 

Children are not aware that playing with friends is a way of relaxation. Some children prefer cycling and swimming. They don't have time to go out and play with their friends.

While commenting on this issue, teachers say that gone are the days of sports and games, children have no time to play, so physical exercises for children is an alternative to be healthy.

In today's children, eyesight problems are on the rise. Some parents are of the opinion that exercise solves most ailments and worried that lack of exercise may be responsible for eyesight problems in kids.

A senior consultant in general and pediatric optometry says, two common causes of myopia include lack of physical exercise, resulting in increased TV watching or playing computer games and pressure from parents resulted in lengthy study hours without any breaks.

Parents with no time to look after their children further deteriorate the situation. Many parents often switch on the television to keep their children busy as they don't want their kids to play or quarrel. Such a practice often leads kids to become television addicts and the eyes suffer from continued viewing.

However, parents agree that physical exercises for children is an important aspect of life but blame the intense competition in schools and claim that their children have no time to play. They are so busy with school, tuition and creative writing classes that they have no time to play. We cannot do much nowadays because the curriculum is so competitive.

Children blame peer pressure for their schedule. Their classmates always talk about getting good marks in exams. They want to do better than them when they sit for an exam and feel the need to keep on studying. Children say they are too tired to exercise as all of their energy is spent rushing from one tuition to another.

Experts believe that the way parents treat children plays a major role in this issue. Kids nowadays are mini adults, they are not kids anymore. When would they have time to play around as they are thrown into the rat race so early in life? Parents nowadays do not have sufficient time to invest in their children and hence want the kids to behave like miniature adults. They do not want the kids to play around as that would require more supervision says.

Another practice leading to poor health in children is fast food. Here, parents don not have the time to make a wholesome meal for kids rely on unhealthy foods. However unlike the United States and the United Kingdom, where kids feasting on fast food have numerous parks to play around, kids in some countries do not have that option. The numbers of play grounds is decreasing with each passing day. All these combined together leads to deteriorating physical health among children.  

Hence it is high time to realize that physical exercises for children through playing are must and parents should change their children's schedule accordingly.                 

Solution Strategies For Misbehavior In High School - The Need Of A Counselor

When a child is ill, he is taken to a doctor when he misbehaves or shows signs of being mentally disturbed, then why not refer him to a psychologist? But parents are not equipped to cope with their child's problem of misbehavior.  Parents grow up with the child and may often be encountering such problems for the first time. Besides they are emotionally involved with the child and may find it difficult to be objective they may either underestimate a problem or magnify it.

The cases of problematic children are generally brought to the notice of the counsellors mostly by teachers.  Problems encompass aggressive behavior, restlessness, lack of concentration, dislike for a particular subject, kleptomania, pinching, and stealing, and sleep walking.  While dealing, such cases were not treated in isolation and even the close relatives of the child were also spoken to.

Once there was a child in high school whose writing and speech were found to be disconnected and incoherent. The girl was obviously in need of counselling.  During play therapy the counsellor gave the girl a kitchen set and a doll family. The girl loved putting the pan on the fire and sometimes put the mother in the pan and got busy with other things. Gentle reminders to remove the mother from the pan were of no avail. This gave the counsellor a clue to the root of the girl’s problems.

So, the child's mother too was counselled and, within a year a marked improvement was noticed in the child's behaviour. Soon, the girl picked up typing and needle work and began participating in elocution.  She also won the leadership prize.

In another case of a boy, who could write but would not.  Talking to him and observing him at play, the counsellor found that the boy used those tactics to tease his mother and distract her attention from younger sibling. This case was also handled by a counsellor with the help of a psychiatrist and today the boy is an average performer.

In diagnosing and treating problem cases the counsellor use the standard techniques of drawing, coloring, sand therapy and story telling. In one of the schools in the corner of the play ground a sand pit. Counsellors make abundant use of this in diagnosing case as sand soothes the nerves, relaxes the child and makes it talk.

The counsellors believed implicitly in telling a child stories, as stories capture the child's imagination, draw him or her out and help to solve problems and take decisions.

Today with the growing tensions both parents and teachers face, a counsellor could help a disturbed to become a well adjusted individual or turn misbehavior into great behavior.

Healthy Nutritious Snack Foods Play A Great Roll In Keeping Children's Body In Shape

Have you ever bothered to reckon why children insist upon nibbling junk food? Have you ever tried to offer healthy nutritious snack foods to children. Well, you cannot escape from being the reason. You are first on to take them to the big-time snack parlours offering them the real conducive environment to develop these habits. Being endowed with the quality to ape children follow in your foot steps. The ambience and the eye catching packaging make them enjoy the snacks. At times, the food is stale but they are spellbound with the looks.

Children enjoy the presentation of food more than the taste. When it comes to home made food children show their repugnance for it, calling it bland. And when they used the word "bland" mothers cannot resist feeling bad. The next question that comes to their mind is how to convert this healthy so called bland food into tasty stuff. The answer lies in the jam that can be used in the adornment. Children love eating jams and when jam is used in all the snacks they enjoy food.

Although it is tough for the mothers to beat the market, but if they desire to give their children nutritious food, subordinate the other issued they win the race.

Snacks, which are children’s all time favourites, cannot be ignored by the mother for any reason. What mothers to do is jams stuffed rolls with a new look are ready to tickle the hunger of your child.

Healthy nutritious snack foods play a great roll in keeping children's body in shape. Therefore, it is necessary to prepare snacks with care. The market snacks are poor in nutrition and rich in fats and are prepared using lots of potato, cream and oil and no vegetable which can develop many deceases in children. Being a crucial part of children's diet it should be light as well as healthy.

It is usually seen that children have a habit of nibbling something every hour. And by keeping their demand in view mothers will have to prepare such a food which would not be too fatty.

It's a piece of cake for mothers to use jams in the snacks to make it more interesting.  Jam is not only nutritious but also enhances the taste of the food in which it is used.

Vegetables can be used to prepare nutritious snacks. Boil the seasonal vegetables with appropriate salt and chop them in beautiful shapes.

These boiled vegetables can be enhanced in looks by using some jam for garnishing.  Sprouted grams can also be used in place of boiled vegetables as they are rich in protein. Jam makes this dish delicious.

Children usually like to have soda water which is unhealthy. Milk can be made tastier by mixing jam in it. Which will make your drink healthy. Different fruits jam also changes the colour of the milk making it look delicious.

Mothers will have to keep their children's demand in mind which will help them prepare something delicious and healthy nutritious snack foods.

They can also invite their children's friends at home for a refreshment party as they usually like to party around. If the party is at home and friends like it children are on top of the world.

Once the friends appreciate the snack party mothers win the points and can take their children into confidence. This can slowly deter children from eating market snacks and enjoy healthy nutritious snack foods made at home.

Funny Parenting Tips For New Parents

Laughter possesses healing powers is well known, but it now appears that laughter can also help breast milk counter allergies that effect the skin of the little ones.

In a new study, breast feed baby with eczema experienced mild symptoms if their mothers laughed hours before feeding them.

"Breast feeding mothers are either a feature - length charlie chaplin movie or bland footage of whether information"  said research team leader Dr. Hajime Kimata a professor at the university of Osaka, Japan.

Professor Hajime took samples of  breast milk at regular intervals afterwards.  Two milk feeds later, he also measured their baby's allergic reactions to dust mites and latex.  Those infants whose mothers had laughed had markedly reduced reactions.

The researchers also found significantly higher levels of melatonin in the laughing mothers milk.  The hormone is associated with relaxation and is, hence, beneficial to the babies, too.